What am I pretending not to know?
This question was posed to us this week – and my most honest answer has to be, that I’m hiding myself because I am afraid of my power.
I have a little anger inside, what if that comes out and I go “HULK” wreaking havoc on everything and everyone? Actually, what happens when I let myself feel the anger is, I don’t so much feel angry; what I do feel is this massive surge of strength and power! I feel so strong and like I’m 10 feet tall! But what do I do with power that – lift cars?
Strength and power seem useless unless you know what to do with them, and I guess right now I don’t know. So I just stay Bruce Banner and keep the Hulk repressed. If I stay complacent and content, and keep Hulkey suppressed (a batch of cookie dough works wonders) then everything will stay just as it is = nice and boring…..
BUT I DO want to take the Hero’s Journey! I DO want life and adventure!
(This is where I usually start singing Beauty & the Beast lyrics: “I want much more than this provincial life. I want adventure in the great wild somewhere. I want it more than I can tell.”)
My DMP and Press Release speak of someone in love with Life! Someone in love with the world and full of whimsy and freedom! And while I sort of feel that way, I’m doing so from the comforts of being chained in my basement.
I read and re-read every day with enthusiasm and excitement; with joyful tears in my eyes and passion exploding in my heart. But then, I put it all away and crawl back into my ‘real life’ and focus on the menial task at hand. My days are long and pointless; by the time I get home I have just enough energy to make dinner, squeak out my final DMP reads, and fall asleep dreaming of the day when me and hubby can shed our shackles and sail our catamaran off into the sunset.
So, what is it I’m pretending not to know?
That I’m still holding myself back from going from here to there. But I don’t know WHY!
What am I’m pretending not to know?!
Why would I be holding myself back? What am I holding back?
But maybe that’s the whole deal. The focus of that is still: “holding back”. Law of growth – keeps my holding back. So I just need to keep reminding myself “there’s nothing holding me back! I am UNLIMITED!”
I do have strength and power and if the only thing I can do with it right now is lift cars, then I guess that’s what I’ll start doing! Because as we practice and develop; focus and concentrate; we change from hoping to believing to knowing. And once we KNOW, once we accept that we are strong and powerful and meant to do great things, that is when the universe can finally start moving mountains and working through us.
So, what I have been thinking is that I’m Bruce Banner walking on eggshells afraid to wake the Hulk; but, what if... what if I’m really Superman hiding behind Clark Kent?
I believe that all of us in this Master Keys class are Clark Kents. This MKMMA course is us going to our fortress of solitude to discover who we really are and where we really came from.
We are on this earth, we are not of it.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
We are on the leading edge of discovering ourselves and all that we are capable of. But first we have to take of the cheesy suit and glasses to expose our hearts and Know who we really are!!